Feeling Confused in Life? Why Confusion Can Be a Powerful Starting Point in Therapy

‘Things are a mess.’

‘I’m completely lost.’

‘I can't figure it all out.’

‘People don’t make sense to me.’

‘This might sound silly, but…’

‘Why is this happening?’

These are things I hear in therapy sessions all. the. time.

Confusion is one of the most common therapy concerns.

Clients often feel lost and are unsure how to move forward. It might be mixed up emotions, tricky decisions or direction in life. Or maybe their relationships or identity feel messy.

Sometimes, it can come as a surprise to hear confusion is actually a really good starting point for therapy!

Taking time to normalise it can lessen some of the shame around feeling so bewildered. To have your tangled up mess met with gentle acceptance is reassuring, soothing and hopeful.

‘Oh right. I am not crazy.’

We can breathe. This ‘not knowing’ can actually be a gift.

Feeling Confused is not Failure

We need to acknowledge that life can be highly complex. It makes sense to feel conflicted or frustrated when answers aren’t always immediately clear or accessible.

Confusion and overwhelm are not weaknesses - they are natural responses.

We're human. Life is hard. And it’s okay.

Let's challenge this notion that good, right answers always come quickly?!

Sometimes, we DO need to slow it all down. We benefit from learning to sit with uncertainty and tolerate the fact that we are finding some things confusing.

We can offer ourselves permission to get curious without a pressure to fix or be right or appear in control.

Confusion and Your Nervous System

When your nervous system is dysregulated, thinking clearly becomes much harder and it can help to explore things at a slower pace.

We might be in a life transition or have lost a loved one or a job, or even our sense of who we are. We might be finding it hard to shake off a memory from the past or work out what we are good at or where to go from here.

These significant issues take time to figure out. As they should.

But societal pressure can rush us.

It pushes us to know, to fix and move on.

For many clients, this simply becomes too much.

Therapy offers you the permission and support you need to gently reflect and make room for nuance.

Reconnecting with Values

It can be common for confused clients to have lost sight of their values. Sometimes, just having a safe space to remember what they deem important, what they want to prioritise and what they can let go of - can make all the difference.

Values are like anchors that steady us – they give our lives meaning, purpose and direction. And increasing our awareness of them can really help with our ability to make decisions and choices that actually feel good.

Therapy can also help clients articulate what they feel, but haven’t yet been able to bring into the light. Often, we need to make our values more explicit and more conscious, so we can remember what really matters to us.

And a clear path can open up. An internal conflict can be externalised.

Simply making space for value-based work can bring a huge sense of clarity and way to move forward.

And for a confused client that feels really good.

Moving Towards Clarity

It’s also worth noting that confusion can be the result of rumination about the past or indeed, future focused anxiety. Many of us want to create order and eliminate unpredictability by understanding every possible outcome.

If we've made mistakes in the past or been punished, then it can feel imperative to always get things right.

If our worth is somehow linked to how we are perceived by others, then perfectionism can really start to creep in.

But these things also make it really difficult to engage with what is right in front of us, and connect to any felt sense of safety.

In therapy, we work on becoming more aware of the parts of us that crave certainty and the need to control every outcome. There is also value in recognising that we do actually respond pretty well to challenges – and these parts of us can be strengthened!

We figure out ways to stay grounded in the here and now, and slowly regain some cognitive clarity. With a soothed nervous system, we are much more able to connect to rational, logical thinking.

We can create a toolkit for when things are not making sense or feel unclear. These areas of structure can release the pressure.

Need Support?

If you’re feeling confused, anxious or overwhelmed and this article resonates with you, therapy can help you explore things at a gentler pace.

I offer a calm, supportive space to explore uncertainty, reconnect with your values and find a way forward that feels right for you.

To enquire about therapy, please get in touch: info@yourstorytherapy.org

I aim to respond to all enquires within 48 hours.